It was a beautiful day. Atleast it seemed to be. I wished I could have quarter of its beauty. We were all seated on a straight line. The students were queuing up along with their divisions. The shamiana protected us from the sun, but that did not stop sweat from wetting my uniform. It was a hot-hot day, and I was glad to sit on the mud as there won't be any butt-sweat marks on it which will save me from all the awkwardness. I saw a group of girls clad in colourful ghagra-choli, paired with coordinating jewellery, raving around a group of boys. The boys let their eyes follow all the way until the show-offs entered the classroom near the stage. I wondered what it felt like. To be looked at with awe. To be complimented. To be given attention. It's not as though I never get attention. In fact, I gain a lot of attention for how I look and what I am like. I have a condition that has got me morbidly obese, and I find myself battling a war. This war, isn't something I don't have a control of. I started it, thinking it would motivate me somehow. Some of the scars are discernible and the others aren't. My skin has dark patches on certain areas which sadly are very discernible. To make it worse, I have facial and body hair, that I try hard to get rid of. These are the topics I never talk about or had had and try to dodge from. I have been given hundreds and hundreds of unsolicited advices and remedies by the so called 'concerned people'. I zone back into reality when I heard a sound. *Prrrffffttt* came out a fake fart. I protruded my eyes and looked around. "hahahahahah" laughed the boys from both the sides, while looking at me. I muttered 'Shitheads' under my breath, and tried my best to zone out while staring straight ahead. But I couldn't. So I kept looking ahead dead, observingt decorations on the stage. The flowers were being piled and put on the spiritual decor. The teachers and the peons kept running around and helping each other with every work. The prefects were on their regular duty to shush and abstain us from nonsensical acts. There wasn't any sign of the school pupil leaders. Not that I care about them. Looking around then was my only means of escape from the bullshit I was surrounded by.
The Event went on for four hours straight. It indeed was a colourful day and feast to my soul despite the unavoidable bullying and bantering. The girls around seemed to be having a good time and I was glad they did. I didn't have any friends who would stick around unless there was some need. I wandered around the streets after the event as we didn't have class. I got a good look around the area. The road stretched over up to a hundred metres, and sixty percent of the place was covered by shops that actually seemed to be on a selling spree that particular day. The rest were houses and I found one of my classmates enter the building. I thought it would be nice live near the school. Less travelling, No expenses; at least for me as I can't walk a long distance without panting or nearly fainting. Walking a hundred metres wouldn't hurt as much as walking three and half miles. I became thirsty and entered one of the stores which had an open telephone booth. Our school strictly prohibits bringing mobile phones. Be it an event, or an excursion or any miscellaneous circumstances, students aren't allowed to bring one. The consequences of infringement is typical and a cliché, so I am not going to explain it. I bought a soft drink to quench my thirst and I felt seven out of the nine pairs of eyes around stare at me, indirectly. My imaginary angel patted on my back and assured that I was being too anxious and told me not to worry. If I try to gulp down the drink, I was afraid they'd mistake me for cormorant and if it's the other way, I would have to suffocate with all the unnecessary attention I was drawing. I wasn't composed at all but managed to pretend and left as soon as I was done with it.
Students from various schools had come as a participant and it was a yearly custom. The area was filled with bursting energy unlike the usual days and it felt like Holi except it wasn't. I saw a couple make out on the mid of a small path that had two houses on the either sides. I turned my face the other way and continued to walk till the dead end. I didn't know what for, but I did. The end of the road (thankfully) had no crowd and I gushed out of happiness while having a straight face. On the left hand corner, was a small vegetable shop and on the semi-mid area, huge stack of sand and stones were kept as a house was halfway through construction. There were no workers in sight and it was pretty much a deserted area except for me and the vegetable shop's keeper who was immersed into the television. I climbed the mountain of rocks, carefully, ensuring not to slip and fall. The rocks were mounted for around four feet, as per my presumption. I sat down, slowly,half-prepared to face the embarrassment for tripping down. *grr wowww wowwww* I turned towards the cutest of the sounds instantly.
The puppy seemed quite clean for a mongrel, it was a tea-brown coloured stray. It held its right paw up and let another bark out. I wanted to touch it but feared getting bitten. I looked around for its mother. There wasn't one in sight, not even any pup or a dog at least. I stretched my hand and called out the puppy in the gentlest of the voice. It wagged its tail and walked its way up and landed up on my right thigh. "So he found a friend" the keeper of the vegetable shop said, coming out of the shop. His voice was high pitched but calming, with a medium moustache and no beard. His head was almost bald except for a few strands of hair, here and there. He wore a lungi, half tied up, and a white vest which was drenched in sweat. I was able to look at the bushy hair on his chest and stomach as the vest was fully damp. I have seen a lot of men, small vendors and street hawkers the same way but I felt a waft of awkwardness run through my body for some reason I couldn't figure out, and tried my best to concentrate on his face without over thinking a meagre thing.
"He has been around for a few
weeks, and I have been feeding him everyday twice and there's this couple
living three buildings far from here. They feed him in the night. The guy's mom
is against him having a pet and my wife hates dogs else he would have had a
home" the man said, stroking the pup on its head
"Are you going to take him
home?"
"No" I said, after a
few seconds of questioning. 'My mom won't let me have one. I seem to cause
her enough trouble'
The man giggled. "I guess that's
the same reason given by almost all the no-sayers eh?" I laughed softly and
nodded.
I spent some more time in there,
playing with the puppy. The man went back to his shop and a short while later,
left for home. He waved me a goodbye before leaving. I checked the time on my
watch and it was almost 03:30PM and I kind of panicked as I hadn't called my
parents to tell them about my whereabouts. It's my usual thing to do. I went
back to the same shop I stopped by for a drink, to use the telephone, and I saw
a board with bright red letters 'OUT OF ORDER'. "Great" I thought. I
looked for the shopkeeper to ask if I could borrow their mobile phone but they
weren't in sight, and the shop was deserted; No student was around to be
spotted. I felt my hunger beginning to give me a headache and I got nauseous.
But on the other side, I thought it would do some good to lose a few hundred
grams out of the massive number. "Yo!" I heard a voice, right behind
me. It was familiar, but not the good kind of familiar though. I prepared for a
rough fifteen to thirty minutes or more, and turned around.
A group of seven boys stood, in
uniforms, sniggering at me. They have not spread around and left me in
the centre, and that could have been lead to one of the worst situations, So I
decided to walk away, uncaring about whatever they planned to do. The truth is
that I wasn't able to do so, but then I tried my best to look that way.
"You they say elephants are
good vibes and we don't get to see them everyday. So make use of the
opportunity boys"
"Oh an elephant? I thought it was
an obese alien. Look at its face. Yoook!"
"Don't walk too fast and break the
road. It's damaged enough already"
I wanted to slap them, squash their
faces into pulp. I was fuming with anguish and was set off with desperation to
kill myself on one side and on the other, to prove them I am better than that.
***************
I was far away from the cheapskates,
far away from rage, and all the memories , present and anxiousness. I stepped
onto nothingness and suddenly felt overwhelmed; again. "I wasn't raised
for all this. Am I?" This time I wasn't whispering or muttering but
crying, throwing every pebble towards the tornado and pleading for the
deplorable swirls to straighten and calm down.
***************
I waited near an Auto stand, hoping to
catch one as soon as possible. My eyes burned and I kept my face low so that no
one would could see my eyes, which was pretty turned red. The place started to
get a little crowded and I checked the time and it was around 05:00 PM. And all
that was on my mind were the pictures of my parents reaction right now.
Luckily, I got a Share Auto that
happens to pass by my place and got in. Getting inside was a bit of a hassle
and few people around were shooting a queer look now and then. The traffic was
huge that evening; more than what I am used to seeing.
"Today seems to be an
Auspicious day; apt for marriages" a lady
"So that explains the crowd" said a man, who seemed to be her husband, wiping his face with a small towel.
We were stranded in the traffic and I
noticed two boys and a girl who happened to be matching their outfits, caused
quite a ruckus. They wore a white graphic print T-Shirt with the words 'JK,
IDC' printed in a bubble head. The road was filled with smoke and it seemed as
though the vehicles would not be moving ahead anytime soon. My rickshaw driver
left us amidst this to see what caused the delay.
"There seems to be a fight
going on between two drunkards and no one is able to handle them. I wonder
where the traffic police has gone" the driver said, shaking his head.
My anxiety increased more than hunger
but I managed to muster courage, to ask the lady who sat with her
husband, if she could lend her phone. I explained my situation which turned
into quite a long conversation. I was surprised by my ability to move with her
as it's unusual for me to get along with a complete stranger. You never know
what people can turn out into, besides no one in the vehicle seemed genuine
enough to my instinct. Some of their behaviour put me off- As I am quite
observant and have attention to details about my surroundings and people. The
trio wearing same tee, despite looking very decent, used a filthy language, and
objectified some women and men, and served as a perfect example for 'Do
not judge a book by its cover'. The driver had them warned twice since they
entered the Auto. There was this sad looking girl, wearing white earphones. She
didn't look like a bad person but seemed to be stuck in a different world.
There were two other men, who seemed to be office goers. One sat in the front,
the other sat with us in the back. They got off within fifteen minutes from the
first stop. And the last one left was the Auto-rickshaw wala who looked tired.
But my instinct said he could be trusted somewhat.
"My My!" She said,
looking concerned. "You haven't eaten since the morning? You should be
starving"
"Not really. I drank lemon soda in
between. So it's not that worse" I said assuringly, but ended up sounded
tentative.
She dug into her bag, got me a packet
of biscuits and her mobile phone. I denied the biscuits but she persuaded, and
left me no choice. I called my mom and assured her I was okay ,and she
bombarded me with thirty questions , to which I said I will answer when I reach
home. The traffic started clearing up to my relief.
*******************
I was quite.. okay very happy to
dig into the biscuits but I happened to be in the public, amongst strangers and
feared the usual. I decided to dig in and then
"Ooh! save the biscuits. save the
biscuits. Help!"
I looked up.
The boys began sniggering and the
girl's face flushed. The couple's eyes trailed to their backs and a silence
followed, only for a matter of seconds.
I didn't know how to react. I kept
quiet. It was embarrassing for me to eat. Not after this or I don't know. Ever
at all. The lady began scolding loudly, uncaring about the amount of racket it
caused and as one of the boys began protesting, the lady's husband joined her.
I was quite flabbergasted by someone's willingness to stand up for me while I
couldn't do it myself or I should say I didn't do it because I had had felt
like doing whatever one of the trio had said. The girl wearing earphones stared
at the two parties shouting at each other, and I wished I had stayed at home.
The trio got off the very next stop. I
don't know if I was relieved or not at this point ,and I haven't touched the
biscuits though the couple did insist me to go ahead and eat. The road wasn't
crowded anymore and the city shone bright as the windows of every building and
the street lights were up. Then the night fell, along with my appetite, hopes
and hopeless thoughts I had had kept in queue to set off into my mind.
The time was around 06:45 PM. The auto
came to a halt as I told the driver to. He stopped after four buildings from my
apartment ,and it wasn't his fault; I alerted him late. I had trouble getting
off the rickshaw again, and smiled at the couple, hoping it doesn't seem faux.
The driver too got off, and came over to my side. I was quite surprised, but
had no energy, and wasn't left with enough expression to show it. I handed him
over the money but instead of taking it he questioned me.
"Which one is your house?"
I seemed to be not able to get any
words out of me and pointed over to my building.
"Oh! Seems as though I have parked
a little too front huh? Sorry about that." he said, shaking his head
"No it's fine. It doesn't
matter" I said giving him a tight lipped smile
I handed him the money over again, but
he again refused to accept it, without asking any further question. He just
shook his head and smiled. I was confused and quite irritated and didn't
understand
"I don't want money as your
payment. You can keep it for yourself. Use it for something else."He said
smiling and I began thinking if this was another joke and almost scowled.
"I expect something else, and of
course it isn't money."he said and the couple, and the girl were all
listening keenly, as if expecting for something to happen.
"All I want is-"he looked
straight into my eyes with a serious look "you to take care of
yourself" I was taken aback, and fumbled with my reaction.
"I understand you go through a
hard time with people being mean to you. It's not wrong to feel what you feel.
They don't know what strength is and it purely is their way of being and
becoming mature is a choice they swept off their list. Not everyone is going to
be kind to you. Not everyone is going to feel that your heart is larger than
your body frame.. pardon me! I am not saying this to offend you, but to make
you understand what you have collected inside isn't going to mix with everyone
else's. If you see trouble, address it, and work until the root causes run
away. If there's no means take you up, build your own stairs or an elevator and
do so. It's going take some time but please do. Address your concerns. Your
body's tone doesn't match your heart and mind's expectations as well as
necessity" he said without a pause and continued
"Just start. Even if it's nowhere,
it is still somewhere to be. You are amazingly handling everything in your
segment. All you have to do it expand it"
I was too stunned to speak, and
toughened up my face, to prevent myself from crying. I nodded and smiled the
widest of my smiles, without letting the old comments barge in ruin it.
I waved them all a goodbye and thanked them
profusely for everything. I walked back home, with a hunger to twin my heart
with my body, and entered the word 'weakness' in my 'Avoid at all
costs' list.
*************************
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